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Thursday, December 31, 2009

New Year's Eve

VANILLA ICE CREAM

I decided a couple of days ago that I should start a blog.
It's to air out the dirty laundry in my head.
About writing, of course.
And maybe about life.
And work.
It all started because people at the Hospital where I receive a regular paycheck kept asking why I do not work full-time.
I've told them, "Look, I'm writing a book." (It's the easisest thing to say instead of - woman bondage - that's another story.)
They usually give me a blank look or a look of pity.
I had enough.
That's when I dreamt of VANILLA ICE CREAM.

Some people don't believe that dreams speak to us.
I don't agree.
It hits us in the head - sometimes with nightmares.
Or seduces us with symbology like the story of Joseph and the Pharaoh.

That night when I was stressing, only because five different people had grilled me with questions about taking a full-time position that just opened up in our department - all within four hours,
I had this dream.

I was on a line for soft-serve ice cream.
I saw all sorts of fancy cones - chocolate-dipped, double-chocolate, and the fanciest of all was a coloforul white chocolate and peppermint. And the fanciest most exotic ice cream flavor they had was mango. I wanted the fancy.

One nurse's aid was with me and I told him I would buy him a cone.
But I had to step off the line.
When I came back, he bought me a cone but he bought a vanilla cone and a chocolate cone and the chocolate was for him. He told me that I have the vanilla cone and I should be happy because it's free. I was upset.
Then the people behind me were crowding, ready to tell the guys behind the counter what they wanted and I only had one moment to choose and I did.
I said I wanted the peppermint cone with chocolate and mango flavors.
The guy behind the counter told me, "No." I was crestfallen. Then he smiled and said, "Just kidding."
I got what I wanted but I had to assert myself.

Upon waking, hours later, that's what I realized.
If I want the fancy dream - the one that had a white chocolate peppermint cone involved (my subconscious' way of saying the WORKING WRITER) instead of the vanilla ice cream (i.e. hospital - REALWORLD - job), I have to assert myself. I have to take my place in that line and not let myself settle for something just because it's the easy way out. That fancy ice cream flavor is just one breath away.

Here's to the beginning of that.